I'VE LOST IT

I've LOST IT

The past days I recall
The times I've risen after every fall
Did I? or Did I just crawl?
Well, I don't know how much I've achieved
Wherever I go , my hopes are deceived.
At times I have made through troubles
These thoughts, they are inside these air bubbles,
Criticism pricks them
My mind tricks them,
I lie to my ownself
I fall prey to my own help.
My words hold no meaning,
I simply look at the flashbacks screening.
My cries bottle up
my tears puddle up
I feel like I'm breaking through ice
And you know what the worst part is
When I think about myself the inner me dies.
I wanted to do everything,
Now I have nothing in hand,
With every step that I take, right there, just right before me, the failed me stands.

I wish could someday, smother myself in sleep
Because 'm already much choked by the feelings I keep.
I stand in the middle of 4 ways,
Yet all doors shut, all roads blocked,
I thought I had a million ways.
But one loss and all ambitions flocked.
My dreams lie wet on the pillow at night,
My desires are lost, they have taken a flight.

I surround myself with interference- proof walls
But my grievance, there it goes, out of the window and falls.
I'm sick of the million times I've been consoled
Everything will be fine, I've been told.
But when? How? Will it ever get back to normal?
"Sure it will" , a reply so formal.
After succeeding so much,
I have achieved nothing,
and yet again 'm nobody in the crowd of something.