I cried in my sleep today

Dear Baba, 

Ma woke me up today. 

She looked at me and asked, “What happened?”

Before I could understand why she asked, 

I felt my cheeks, moist. 

I had been crying in my sleep today, 

As if my eyes had spent the whole night trying to hold to the last memory of yours that was melting away, 

Never has it ever happened before. 

I dreamt of losing you today.

I wasn’t losing you to the expanse of the sea that I can’t explore, 

I wasn’t losing you to the grey clouds or the clear sky, 

I wasn’t losing you to the stars and the moon, 

The universe that I can’t fathom. 

I was losing you to a familiar uncertainty 

I was losing you to an unacceptable reality.

I was losing you in a fight, 

Drubbing the dagger into time

“stop stop stop stop stop stop stop….”

It kept spewing the inevitable and laughed,

I repeated “No no no no no no …”

Its hands broke but it kept ticking, 

Its face was scarred but it kept mocking,

I still repeated,

“stop stop stop stop… no no no no no…”

Until I ran out of breath and you.

But you are here in this word, 

You are here in this poem, 

I am no Shakespeare or Wordsworth, 

But I know what it is to immortalise, Baba. 

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